Corporation Translation

In the corporate world, things are often said to sugarcoat situations, in order to persuade people to do work. Today's post is a translation of the sugarcoating.

Actual Statement:

"We have been presented with an opportunity to achieve. We will need the right person for this opportunity, someone who demonstrates the skills necessary to complete the task efficiently. This opportunity has been given to us by someone who will truly value the effort that's put forth into achieving the goal. As I said, this is an opportunity."


Translation:

"We've been handed some bullshit to do. We need some poor sonofabitch to handle this bullshit, someone who's stupid enough to do it, but will get it done quick enough that it won't cost our manager's their yearly bonus. This bullshit has been given to us by a bunch of assholes who won't even bother to send an email thanking said sonofabitch for everything he'll be doing. Again, this is utter bullshit. "


And this is the way of the corporate world. However, in something a little more direct, say, the construction world, the conversation might look something like this:

"Hey, we've got shit to do. Get your ass to work."

There are definitely days when I long for the old days of slinging rock with a shovel.

Question for the day:

If a mallard asked you, in English, to give him a ride south for the winter.......would you?

A Promotion

A few days ago, I received an offer for another position in the company. I accepted and my last day on the phones will be tomorrow, the 18th of July. Training for the new position starts Monday, the 21st.

I'm pretty stoked about it, and certainly a bit nervous. Getting those jitters you get prior to taking something on you may not be qualified for. Should be pretty interesting. More than anything, I'm excited to get off these blasted phones.

Canoe Trip Pics

I'd posted earlier about the Canoe Trip Fail Adventure that we had embarked on this spring. Here's a few pictures from the trip.

This was actually a cool little section. It was a narrow little chute that took some navigational skill (done masterfully by Cassie and myself), else you spent much time pushing off the bank.

Here's a nice one of me catching Cassie "unawares".

I Gave Cassie a Black Eye

She got lippy and things went badly for her. I kid, I kid. In all reality, I'm not even sure I can lay claim to the shiner she now wears.

It all started this weekend when I finally wore her down to the point of her caving and us proceeding to the park to play catch. I'm a big fan of playing catch by the way. We were enjoying the sun on our faces and the grass under our feet as we tossed the white sphere back and forth in a jovial manner.

A short series of events quickly resulted in Cassie hitting the deck, her glasses flying through the air, and a decent sized scratch forming on her face. She wasn't very happy. My thought process followed this pattern:

"Damn, sure is nice out toda-what in sam hell just happened?!?!?!?"
"I don't think I threw it that hard...or did I?"
"No, it was definitely a lob"
"Aww hell, scratch that off the activity list"

I won't claim to have knowledge as to how it happened. But as a result, Cassie now wears a good sized shiner...and I make her wear glasses when we go into public. Don't want people thinkin' I'm beating her. And the ones that do think that...I just tell 'em she got lippy.

Worst Movie-Games Ever

Wired composed a list of games that could be considered some of the worst "movie-games" ever conceived by man.

As one person wrote in regards to Star Wars:

"...you know that things have gone horribly awry when he enters the Jawa Sandcrawler after about five minutes of gameplay to find Darth Vader, who transforms into a scorpion."

New Blog

Okay, so I've created another blog, Call Center Woes, in an effort to separate my work life from the rest of the crap I blather on about. Hopefully I'll be able to keep both updated on a regular basis.

On a completely unrelated note: Bryan wore a tie today for his interview (for the same position I interviewed for last week), surely in an attempt to show me up. No shame in his game.